Time Off

T I M E   O F F

I have lit a candle one hour ago. Finally, at this moment, I have to put out the candle. I was actually hoping that at some point I can extend its capacity, but I am not capable of doing it. Unfortunately, I just have one candle.

Being a book lover can help me to get through with my loneliness.

I am in a sober mood right now. I can’t convince my friends that I am actually doing it. Yes, I am honest with myself. I disposed every guy I am into.  This sober mood was actually an advice from my high school classmate as I’ve told her that I am really struggling in my relationships. (‘Relationships’ because I’ve been with a lot of guys and I am not used in counting them anyway.) I keep holding on the past and I left messy things on the present. This is what I have accustomed from the time being I’ve learned how to love.

         I am always wishing for my one true love. I’m a hopeless romantic. I keep on thinking what will happen in the next few years to come. I am already in my mid-20’s and still, I’m single and proud. My friends are already establishing relationships. Some are married. My best friend has a son already. I am not elaborating this just to tell to myself that I am rushing things, but there are moments that I keep on asking, ‘Why I am still not moving?’. I can’t avoid loneliness and I get jealous at times.

            "Everything has its own reason".

I did not experience receiving a flower from a lover.

Give me some lights my dear. 

       

       Life can be tough. Being sober is my sole decision. I just don’t want to fall in love right now. I have to use my quality time in establishing my priorities. I have my degree to finish in graduate school. I have to go abroad next year. I have to pursue my nursing career. I have to be single at this moment. PERIOD.

       I am planning to continue this journey for about two years or even more. Maybe I can really do it, for I have been single for four years already. I say sorry for all the guys whom I’ve broken their hearts. I have forgiven all the guys who have broken my heart. I’m just a good girl who have placed in a situation where I’m always defeated.

This is just about me.

This is really about my determination in making things possible.

I am hoping that like this sunset my journey will just peacefully allow me to get some colorful memories out of this experience.