Moving forward takes time.

     I already said my goodbyes repeatedly years ago, but when he came back without a warning, the feelings have suddenly immersed and I am here troubled with doubts of what would be the right thing to do. 
     Yes, I dearly love him after all these years, but as far as we go through this journey, we can’t keep ourselves steady and stable in securing a commitment. I don’t know if this is just a minor feeling, but I am hurt already in the inside especially on his silent treatment and ignoring behavior.

      I love him that I almost have given everything just to keep him in my life. Love can really make us crazy and because of these raging feelings, I can do things without even thinking clearly. Now that he’s far away from me, I am keeping myself secure and somehow ready for anything that will happen sooner. 
     I should be contented with what I only have in my life. Honestly, this is what I considered my downfall. I can’t keep an intimate relationship. Yes, I should not be in a hurry for this, but at some point in my life, I can experience loneliness in my own solitude.

      I know God is writing my own story and all I need to do is to trust him patiently and have faith in Him. 

     Life will always be a journey. We can take the long run or we can choose the easiest way available, but the most important thing is the experiences that we are undertaking. It is not the destination that we are after, it is the mere experience of taking a step everyday. I know that this is a goodbye again and moving forward takes time. It is not an overnight process, instead, it will take a good time to learn and immerse with the truth that he will not come back the way I wanted to happen. 

      I think this song of Fleetwood Mac entitled 'Landslide' is very much related to what I am going through right now especially on the changes on my life.